And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
