you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
