Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
