my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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