I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize