If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
