my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
