Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
