State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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