i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize