just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
