Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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