party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
