There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
