Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize