Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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