His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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