Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
