I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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