I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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