the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
