Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize