is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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