One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
