I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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