I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
