Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
