I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
