Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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