I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
