You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize