I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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