fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my phone needs a breathalizer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
