Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
