trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
