Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
