On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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