just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
