his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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