She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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