The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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