Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
