We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
