Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
