My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
