I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i out mim tonsoeep
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
