I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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