one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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