Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
