I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
