What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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