make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
