Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
