I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
