his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
