I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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