I must be too annoying 4 u.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
