she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
