May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize