he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
