Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
