11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
