Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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